Take Your Bets

With the lights low and the electric atmosphere of being at the Kentucky Derby, a pack of Chicago Natives are packed around the center table at Big Joe's dive bar. People are yelling, shouting obscenities and making bets. Money is exchanging hands and the bar is alive with excitement. The same crazed excitement one would feel at the Super Bowl or the NBA Championship. But this isn't the Super Bowl or NBA Championship. The players aren't dressed in jerseys or pads, but in shells and green skin. See, the newest gig for Chicago bars now-a-days isn't Beer Pong or Quarters, it's Turtle Racing. One drink buys you One raffle ticket and come race time Six lucky contestants are assigned to One of Six turtles. The winner gets a T-shirt, the loser, a complimentary shot. I guess the shot is to help drown the sorrows of losing a Turtle Race. One would think that watching a bunch of Turtles lazily crawling around on a table would be somewhat, uh, Boring? But it's not. With emotions running so high, oftentimes the results come down to a dead heat with One Turtle emerging as Victor. Now, PETA be advised, this practice is perfectly legitimate. Before getting your Birch-Wood Undies in a bind know that there is a trained Turtle Handler who sees to it that no Reptiles are harmed in the making of this truly exciting pastime.